it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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