I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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