just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
