We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
