bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
