i just wanna soil my oats bro
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
