She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize