she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
