69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
