I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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