Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
