My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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