I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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