My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
