She's JV to your varsity
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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