Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
