i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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