i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize