her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
