Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize