I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
