He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize