You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize