I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
