I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
