I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize