I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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