Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize