Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
