The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
