Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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