Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
