goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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