Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
