somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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