ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
