I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
