Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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