I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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