Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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