I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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