3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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