I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
