She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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