yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Alive.
So much puke
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
