Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
