Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
