I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
