it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
