At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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