I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
being pregnant is like rehab
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
