we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
