the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
