I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
