Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
