I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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