I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
