We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
