Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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