Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
