I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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