The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
