You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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