i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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