It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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