I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
