Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
