Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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