I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize